I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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