I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
