we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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