why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
