and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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