I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
