just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize