Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
