I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
