This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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