This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
time to smoke my breakfast
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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