he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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