When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i need to put some appletini on your dick
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
