and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it's like iHOP with fire
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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