Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You have to summon your inner elephant
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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