Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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