Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
