mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
