So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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