a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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