so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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