I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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