i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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