Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize