we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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