forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
