Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
