my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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