Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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