What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
