Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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