day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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