Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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