toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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