My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize