Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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