Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
