do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
