It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
