she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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