I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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