Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
