i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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