Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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