I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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