how can u be prego again
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
