Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
