...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
