I feel great
I just peed on a car
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
