maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
