I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
