Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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