Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
