If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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