If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".