He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.