If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
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I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
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I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk