What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
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i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
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I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket