Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.