Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
