You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
