Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
