I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
