he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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