I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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