Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
