Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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