drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize