yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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