I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
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I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
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His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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