The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
