don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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